Uncertainty

I should be working. It's 11:50 a.m. on a Tuesday and being the professional that I am, that is clearly work time. Problem is I just don't care. I told my coworker this morning I probably wouldn't care all that much if I got fired. Yes, my pride would kick in because no one really wants to be considered inadequate for their job (the concept of missing a steady paycheck goes without saying), but it would force my hand . If I didn't have a reason to show up here everyday I could finally have a reason to pack all my stuff in a truck, sans ugliest couch in the world, and head out to the desert. Arizona's, desert that is.

The last year was spent preparing myself for the possibility of moving to Arizona should I finally make up my mind. Well, I've finally made up my mind but the shackles of reality keep holding me back. You know that whole student loan, eating type thing. I probably have enough money to get by for a while without a job assuming my dear uncle of mine lets me and kitty move in rent free for a while. He's done it for others, but I don't want to take advantage of that opportunity and become a slug on the couch waiting for a job to fall in front of me in a not so good job market. I also don't want to eat up all my savings since that makes number one on previous post near impossible. Every job hunt I've experienced while unemployed has been long, demeaning and financially draining. The prospect of draining my bank account that took so long to get into decent shape is hardly something I want to sign up for.

I am not totally sure what I need to do with myself at this point, but there is an optimistic section somewhere inside that will lead me from of this self doubt and confusion.