No, thanks, I'm good, really.

I wrote this a while ago, but I was bored at work I revisited some old blog entries; this one made me giggle so I share.  It beats me whining about being bored at work.

My last year in college I lived with Ginger and Sandy. Sandy was the most domestic one of us at the time (I like to think I hold my own now) and though, only a couple years older than us, was very mom like. I remember her waking up early and making pancakes for me on the date of the LSAT. At Easter that year both Ginger and I were sick and occupied ourselves with watching Ben Hur, it was an assignment for my Classical Ideology in the 1930's course (not quite basket weaving 101, but close. However it's the only reason I understand references to Busby Berkeley, and have watched the 1925 and 1959 versions of Ben Hur). Sandy took the opportunity to make Easter dinner with a lamb roast and some colorful layered jello dish.

The jello may just have been for the benefit of Ginger and I since not too long before Easter the evening's conversation turned to jello salad. Sandy remarked how she did not like many jello salads and asked if Ginger and I had the same opinion. We soon realized whatever our opinion may be, we were totally ignorant of the enormous variety in the world of jello salad. What we had thought of as only a small genre involving things like fruit, nuts and cream cheese in the case of the green jello my great grandmother made for every holiday, was expanded into a horrifying assortment of recipies that should have died in the 1950's. It seems Sandy's grandmother had quite the collection of jello salad recipes she managed to gather through the years. The likes of which I assume, and hope, will never be assembled again.
The concept of jello, lettuce and mayonaise occupying the same space was a much too literal and disgusting translation of jello salad for us to have ever expected to exist, but like I said, we were ill informed. While I certainly never had a desire to combine these items on my own, I can almost see how it came about. But, what none of us could fathom or expect to ever do so, was lemon jello with tomato soup. How anyone could find themselves pouring those two items into the same mold I will never understand.

And why it can still be found today with a simple internet search, ready to wreak havoc on the poor, unsuspecting relatives of the tasteless few, I do not know.

Who among us wants to go to the next holiday gathering only to be faced with the likes of the atrocities below? No one.

The horrors of the jello salad must be stopped.

CUCUMBER JELLO SALAD
1 box (3 oz.) lemon Jello
1 1/2 c. hot water
1 tbsp. vinegar
Dash salt
1 cucumber, chopped
1 tbsp. onion, minced
1/2 c. salad dressing (you know that's mayo)

Dissolve Jello in hot water. Add vinegar and salt. Chill, not until firm. Peel and chop cucumber and onion. Whip Jello until frothy. Add salad dressing, stir in cucumber and onion. Chill until set.

(There is absolutely no need for this. Ever.)

JELLO CABBAGE SALAD

1 (6 oz.) pkg. lime Jello
1 c. boiling water
Stir to dissolve. Add 1 cup marshmallows. Stir. Add: 1 c. salad dressing 1 c. crushed pineapple 1 1/2 c. shredded cabbage 1/2 - 1 c. chopped nuts
Stir well. Set until syrupy. Then add 1 cup whipped cream or Cool Whip.
(Who doesn't love marshmellows with their cabbage? I like to add it to my s'mors. It adds a nice crunch to the gooiness of the chocolate and marshmellow.)


PARMESAN CHEESE AND JELLO SALAD

This is the most unusual Jello salad I have had (understatement) and I hope you will enjoy it too! (no, no I won't) This takes a while to make, and makes a mess, but is worth it in the end. 2 c. boiling water 2 c. Seven Up
Combine and chill until almost set and add: 1 c. miniature marshmallows 2 bananas, sliced. Pour into oblong dish. Chill until firm.

TOPPING:

In a small saucepan cook and stir until thick, 1/2 cup sugar, 2 tablespoons of flour and the reserved pineapple juice. Add 2 tablespoons of butter and 1 cup of Cool Whip. Spread on top of salad and top with 1/4 cup of grated American cheese.

(Clearly someone forgot to actually put the title ingredients into the recipie, but it still sounds horrible.)

DARLENE'S JELLO SALAD

1 can crushed pineapple
1 c. sugar
3 c. water
2 pkg. lemon Jello
1 (3 oz.) cream cheese

Boil first 3 ingredients. Let cool and when it starts to set, beat in cream cheese. Beat until creamy and add whipping cream. Place in salad mold until firm.

DRESSING:

1/2 c. diced celery
2-3 tsp. diced green pepper
2 tsp. diced onion

Mix with Miracle Whip. It's the dressing that makes it taste special.

(Yes, it sounds incredibly...special.)