No, thanks, I'm good, really.

I wrote this a while ago, but I was bored at work I revisited some old blog entries; this one made me giggle so I share.  It beats me whining about being bored at work.

My last year in college I lived with Ginger and Sandy. Sandy was the most domestic one of us at the time (I like to think I hold my own now) and though, only a couple years older than us, was very mom like. I remember her waking up early and making pancakes for me on the date of the LSAT. At Easter that year both Ginger and I were sick and occupied ourselves with watching Ben Hur, it was an assignment for my Classical Ideology in the 1930's course (not quite basket weaving 101, but close. However it's the only reason I understand references to Busby Berkeley, and have watched the 1925 and 1959 versions of Ben Hur). Sandy took the opportunity to make Easter dinner with a lamb roast and some colorful layered jello dish.

The jello may just have been for the benefit of Ginger and I since not too long before Easter the evening's conversation turned to jello salad. Sandy remarked how she did not like many jello salads and asked if Ginger and I had the same opinion. We soon realized whatever our opinion may be, we were totally ignorant of the enormous variety in the world of jello salad. What we had thought of as only a small genre involving things like fruit, nuts and cream cheese in the case of the green jello my great grandmother made for every holiday, was expanded into a horrifying assortment of recipies that should have died in the 1950's. It seems Sandy's grandmother had quite the collection of jello salad recipes she managed to gather through the years. The likes of which I assume, and hope, will never be assembled again.
The concept of jello, lettuce and mayonaise occupying the same space was a much too literal and disgusting translation of jello salad for us to have ever expected to exist, but like I said, we were ill informed. While I certainly never had a desire to combine these items on my own, I can almost see how it came about. But, what none of us could fathom or expect to ever do so, was lemon jello with tomato soup. How anyone could find themselves pouring those two items into the same mold I will never understand.

And why it can still be found today with a simple internet search, ready to wreak havoc on the poor, unsuspecting relatives of the tasteless few, I do not know.

Who among us wants to go to the next holiday gathering only to be faced with the likes of the atrocities below? No one.

The horrors of the jello salad must be stopped.

CUCUMBER JELLO SALAD
1 box (3 oz.) lemon Jello
1 1/2 c. hot water
1 tbsp. vinegar
Dash salt
1 cucumber, chopped
1 tbsp. onion, minced
1/2 c. salad dressing (you know that's mayo)

Dissolve Jello in hot water. Add vinegar and salt. Chill, not until firm. Peel and chop cucumber and onion. Whip Jello until frothy. Add salad dressing, stir in cucumber and onion. Chill until set.

(There is absolutely no need for this. Ever.)

JELLO CABBAGE SALAD

1 (6 oz.) pkg. lime Jello
1 c. boiling water
Stir to dissolve. Add 1 cup marshmallows. Stir. Add: 1 c. salad dressing 1 c. crushed pineapple 1 1/2 c. shredded cabbage 1/2 - 1 c. chopped nuts
Stir well. Set until syrupy. Then add 1 cup whipped cream or Cool Whip.
(Who doesn't love marshmellows with their cabbage? I like to add it to my s'mors. It adds a nice crunch to the gooiness of the chocolate and marshmellow.)


PARMESAN CHEESE AND JELLO SALAD

This is the most unusual Jello salad I have had (understatement) and I hope you will enjoy it too! (no, no I won't) This takes a while to make, and makes a mess, but is worth it in the end. 2 c. boiling water 2 c. Seven Up
Combine and chill until almost set and add: 1 c. miniature marshmallows 2 bananas, sliced. Pour into oblong dish. Chill until firm.

TOPPING:

In a small saucepan cook and stir until thick, 1/2 cup sugar, 2 tablespoons of flour and the reserved pineapple juice. Add 2 tablespoons of butter and 1 cup of Cool Whip. Spread on top of salad and top with 1/4 cup of grated American cheese.

(Clearly someone forgot to actually put the title ingredients into the recipie, but it still sounds horrible.)

DARLENE'S JELLO SALAD

1 can crushed pineapple
1 c. sugar
3 c. water
2 pkg. lemon Jello
1 (3 oz.) cream cheese

Boil first 3 ingredients. Let cool and when it starts to set, beat in cream cheese. Beat until creamy and add whipping cream. Place in salad mold until firm.

DRESSING:

1/2 c. diced celery
2-3 tsp. diced green pepper
2 tsp. diced onion

Mix with Miracle Whip. It's the dressing that makes it taste special.

(Yes, it sounds incredibly...special.)

I am into Champagne

Tonight nothing is coming together in my head that can make a full topic for discussion, so mini posts it shall be.  And there was much rejoicing.  Yaaay.

Has anyone really ever listened to the words to Escape (The Pina Colada Song)?  I mean other than drunkenly yelling out "Do you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain?" have you paid attention to the lyrics.  If not, do it sometime or Google them.  I am amazed at the nonchalant approach taken by the main character and his own lovely lady about the fact that both of them were straying outside the relationship.  Oh you placed a personal ad and I answered it, how funny!  I was told I don't get it because it was the 70's (released 1979, so barely the 70's).  No, I guess not since I was still gauging my age in months during the 70's, but I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't laugh off cheating like that.  The white trash folks on Cheaters seem really upset about it.

I made chocolate chip cookies tonight, no reason, just wanted to bake. They are a little more golden then they should be. They still taste fine, they are just caramelized.

It's raining here in southern California, in case you haven't heard.  So far it has forced (yes forced, I swear) me to buy new shoes (ok, maybe not 3 pairs), screwed with my garage door sensor so it refuses to close because it thinks there is something in the way and found its way onto my stove.  Thankfully it was a small amount that ended up on my stove today, but I'm thinking a roasting pan set on top before leaving for work tomorrow will be a good idea.  There is a "skylight" that I figure was originally designed for a hood vent that never materialized over the stove and if it rains heavy enough it makes its way inside.  So long as it stays far away from my tv and computer, it will be ok.  I should tell the apartment manager, but since I bitched about the garage door for two days now, I'll give it a rest.  Plus, I doubt they are going to send someone up on the roof tomorrow during what is to be the worst day to fix it.  I'm short timing this place anyway (I hope).

Are you singing the pina colada song?  I am.  If you're not into yoga, and you have half a brain...

My boss told me the other day I am probably the only 30 year old woman who picks Santa Fe to go to for my birthday.  Maybe, it was not my idea initially, but I like the southwest and it allows me to go to Chaco Canyon (weather prevailing).  Also, I have not gone somewhere new in almost 6 years and the point of this trip was to be relatively antisocial and not deal with birthday activites.  Also I was mopey about turning 31 and now it's not about my birthday, but making sure I stuff enough New Mexican cuisine in me before I have to come home.  Oh and art galleries and Anasazi ruins.   Green chilies and sopapillas, woo hoo!

If you'd like making love at midnight...

I've never had a pina colada myself.

Insomisucks

It's really, really late (or early depending on when you get up) and I can't sleep. My eyes hurt because it's late and I have a headache, but they don't want to stay closed. I blame the Diet Coke I opened after 2 pm and the stress. Probably more the stress, but the Diet Coke part is easier to remedy in the immediate future.

So here I sit in my dark apartment on the couch with my cat curled up next to me as I listen to the not so gentle hum of the electronics in the corner. The new tv is loud and any other day it would go unnoticed, but no noise goes unnoticed at 1:45 am. All your senses are heightened, particularly those that fixate on an annoyance. Right now, tv is annoying, but it's $580 worth of annoying, so I'll put up with it.

It's a bit cold since I do not leave the heater on during the night. At least not intentionally. My University of Arizona Geosciences Department t-shirt (trilobites!) is not doing much to protect against the cold and the lack of pants is certainly a significant factor. I at least have my afgahn; the blanket, not the snooty looking dog or foreign national.

I could go back to bed and curl up under the warmth of my down comforter, but then I'd just be lying there with my thoughts. Those thoughts are what I'm trying to avoid. A rehashing of the day, stressing on what's to come in the next few weeks and emotions on family and my future all swirling about in my already aching head. I try to count backwards from 100 and manage to reach 95 before another thought explodes in my head then flies around like crazy, changing and evolving like fireworks in the crappiest nighttime display ever presented. Not so much oooo's and aaaahhhh's as tosses and turns.

Tomorrow, I suspect, will not be my finest hour. At least all I really need to do is drive to Glendale and say my name. Yes, $115,000 in law school education and you too and learn to say your name in all sorts of courtrooms across the southern California region as well. If you work extra hard you can learn such useful phrases as "yes, your honor," "no, your honor," "that's fine" and "notice waived." Yep, it's a shame I won't be at my best in the morning. I am just too damn important to the wheels of justice.

The hum of the tv is now competing with the warbling of the fridge. If only my neighbor would get on the phone the trifecta would be complete. Thankfully, he waits until 5:30 am to make the phone calls. I spotted him once standing by the dumpster in the alley reading mailing advertisements around 11 pm. He's a lurker. It's quite possible he's standing out front of the building staring off into nothing as I write this. The cold, lack of pants and general disregard for what he does unless it effects me prevents me from looking.

What I will do though, is go back to bed and hope that my thoughts are quieter and ready to let me sleep. Sweet dreams.

And so it Begins

Is it bad to wish someone a happy 30th birthday then realize that soon you'll have to say you are 31 years old and suddenly you feel like a failure? Yeah, probably.

Okay, I'm not a total failure, I've got a couple degrees, a job and soon I will have licenses to practice law in 2 states. Except, other than school and work, I don't have much to count for. I don't travel because I have neither the time nor money.

And of course, the big issue, none of my relationships have lasted longer than 6 months. There are a lot of things always going on in my head that keep me hung up on this. You know, the what's wrong with me, this isn't normal thoughts. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, but it's starting to get to me a lot more now. Finding yourself going to events and being the only single person there is becoming more and more of a reality in my life. I am also aware that I don't see some people as much as I used to because I don't have that other half to make up a couple. Things are not quite like the dinner party scene in Bridget Jones yet, but give it a few years.

I probably am overreacting, but I blame all the people who feel it's okay to ask why I don't have a boyfriend. That question could go two ways - you're great, why hasn't someone snatched you up, or what the hell is wrong with you. Hear it enough and it turns into the latter no matter what the intentions of the asker. I never have a boyfriend, haven't you figured that out by now? I would punch the next person who asks me that, but it will probably be my grandmother, and that might not be such a good idea.

It also isn't helping that at least once and more likely twice a week I am regaled with a "This guy hit on me here story" from the same person. I really appreciate the days where I hear how 3 or 4 guys contacted her either for a date or to declare their love. Can't say as I'm jealous since we have very different personalities and ideas of what we want in a man, but it adds to the what's wrong with me feeling. I know I shouldn't compare, but it is such a common occurrence that it's getting to me even though I tell myself it shouldn't. Someday I am going to snap, I just know it.

Somehow the thought of turning a year older always makes me start to evaluate my life and where I'm at. Some years are better than others. I tend to get more upset about my birthday in the month before than actually on my birthday. After all, that day is for presents and cake. I might have one or two moments of self-doubt about my status in life, but they should be short lived. If not, that's what this thing is for, engaging in self indulgent whining about how no one loves me. Yay.

Uncertainty

I should be working. It's 11:50 a.m. on a Tuesday and being the professional that I am, that is clearly work time. Problem is I just don't care. I told my coworker this morning I probably wouldn't care all that much if I got fired. Yes, my pride would kick in because no one really wants to be considered inadequate for their job (the concept of missing a steady paycheck goes without saying), but it would force my hand . If I didn't have a reason to show up here everyday I could finally have a reason to pack all my stuff in a truck, sans ugliest couch in the world, and head out to the desert. Arizona's, desert that is.

The last year was spent preparing myself for the possibility of moving to Arizona should I finally make up my mind. Well, I've finally made up my mind but the shackles of reality keep holding me back. You know that whole student loan, eating type thing. I probably have enough money to get by for a while without a job assuming my dear uncle of mine lets me and kitty move in rent free for a while. He's done it for others, but I don't want to take advantage of that opportunity and become a slug on the couch waiting for a job to fall in front of me in a not so good job market. I also don't want to eat up all my savings since that makes number one on previous post near impossible. Every job hunt I've experienced while unemployed has been long, demeaning and financially draining. The prospect of draining my bank account that took so long to get into decent shape is hardly something I want to sign up for.

I am not totally sure what I need to do with myself at this point, but there is an optimistic section somewhere inside that will lead me from of this self doubt and confusion.

New Year New Goals

It is January 1, which invites the inevitable contemplation on what's to come in 2010. Every year we humans try to shape our future through resolutions meant to improve our lives. Most often they are someone's opportunity to correct a vice, and more often then not they fail. So in an effort to secure a more successful outcome I have resolved to set goals. See, I've already completed my resolution by writing this post. Now I only need to achive my goals without the stigma of failure that surrounds most resolutions.

1. Buy a house. Yes, this is a big one, I know. And right off I must admit there are a lot of prerequisites for this to occur; however the hardest one is already taken care of.


2. Live up to my license plate a little more. Wild I am not, no matter how you spell it.


3. Read more, watch tv less. I am debating getting rid of cable now that college football season is over, and that would help with this goal. Of course the new HDTV is so pretty so I'm a little torn about the cable. I need to figure out how to hook up the tv to the internet, but tech savvy I am not.


4. Become more tech savvy. Cable is f'ing expensive and Fox isn't helping.


5. Exercise more. What can I say, it's obligatory to put that. I'm not totally ready to resign myself to life as a sloth.


6. Tweak my thoughts on work. Care more when I need to and less when I don't. I am hoping this translates into more sleep and work free weekends.


7. Learn to accept that the reason I spent most of my life convinced men are not interested in me is actually because I'm really, really bad at recognizing when one is. Pathetically bad.


8. Get more creative in the kitchen. For several years now I have envisioned a Boston Cream Cupcake but have yet to make it. Should I become successful at this I must become successful with number 5.


9. Shop less. See number 1.


10. Start blog in order to have respectable forum to display thoughts and ideas in an effort to spend less time over thinking and practice writing skills for inevitable drafting of next great American novel. Lofty I know.


11. Learn to write fiction.

Good luck and have at it.